I've been paying more attention to the thoughts that I have and with "whom" I'm having them. What is my imaginary conversation about? What do I need that I am trying to get from the mental conversation?
What if we could take a minute to experience the stuff behind our thoughts, right there in the time that we are chewing on it...
Michael Beckwith points out that we can Talk to ourselves instead of talking to the world. But it's not just the talking that can change. It's the feelings that come with them.
Young children have no trouble being angry with you in one minute, and then sharing their toys with you the next. That's because they live and experience the feelings in that moment. After experiencing those feelings to their full extent, they can let go and release the event that caused them.
There is no resentment ("feel again") because the event no longer has a charge, and there is nothing to feel again.
My goal is to look at my mental conversations as signposts to feel. To step into the feeling of that conversation and see what are the feelings that I bring with it that are waiting to be honored. To express compassion for those feelings of frustration, anger, guilt, as well as the feelings of kindness, love, and joy.
When I stop the mental conversations for a minute, it will be hard to let go of that cast of characters and my judgments of them long enough to look within at my own stuff. I've gotten used to dissociating from myself by looking out there for distraction. And it's a good change.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Dreams
I know so little about dreams. There are so many books and authorities on dreams that I have not looked at, but maybe I don't need to.
There are books to tell you how to dream, the meaning of each and every symbol/object/person in your dreams, how to have lucid dreams, what dreams do for your health.... I'm actually afraid to look at this because I might mess it up. lol.
But one of my belief systems tells me that dreams are here for my well-being. I dream for my health. I dream to try to figure things out, or to bring to the surface the elements of my life that are ready to be "processed".
Even the unpleasant or violent dreams have some role to play. I'm not sure what or how. Maybe that's when I should be reading a book. One day...
But last night I surrendered anxiety to dreaming. I just said, "OK, I am in conflict on this subject, and I let it go to the angels of dreams to sort it out and put my mind at ease." I have to admit, I felt a bit silly at this invocation. I have never done that before. What was I doing? Where did I get this idea? Was it a psychological ploy? Was it prayer? Was it voodoo?
It worked. It seemed to work. I awoke without the anxiety, without the angst of wanting to figure it out, at peace. At relative peace.
Will this work for you? Haven't a clue. I don't even know if it will work for me again. I'm writing it down so that I'll at least remember it next time. Maybe I'll make a list during the day to hand over to the dream angels.
Bring me to my natural state of peace and serenity. Aaaahhhh.....
There are books to tell you how to dream, the meaning of each and every symbol/object/person in your dreams, how to have lucid dreams, what dreams do for your health.... I'm actually afraid to look at this because I might mess it up. lol.
But one of my belief systems tells me that dreams are here for my well-being. I dream for my health. I dream to try to figure things out, or to bring to the surface the elements of my life that are ready to be "processed".
Even the unpleasant or violent dreams have some role to play. I'm not sure what or how. Maybe that's when I should be reading a book. One day...
But last night I surrendered anxiety to dreaming. I just said, "OK, I am in conflict on this subject, and I let it go to the angels of dreams to sort it out and put my mind at ease." I have to admit, I felt a bit silly at this invocation. I have never done that before. What was I doing? Where did I get this idea? Was it a psychological ploy? Was it prayer? Was it voodoo?
It worked. It seemed to work. I awoke without the anxiety, without the angst of wanting to figure it out, at peace. At relative peace.
Will this work for you? Haven't a clue. I don't even know if it will work for me again. I'm writing it down so that I'll at least remember it next time. Maybe I'll make a list during the day to hand over to the dream angels.
Bring me to my natural state of peace and serenity. Aaaahhhh.....
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
What Is Empathy?
At some point, I began to realize that I have a tough time watching gut-wrenching movies or listening to dramatic stories without being flooded with emotions. I thought being sympathetic in this way was a good path to connect with people.
What I've learned since then is that there is a huge difference between sympathy and empathy. While listening to someone's story, trying to identify with the other person's pain is a matter of sympathy. I would put myself in their shoes and see what feelings I would have in that situation. Apparently I was good at finding those feelings and emotions.
Or perhaps we look into our own history to find a similar story, or one that produced similar feelings. My mistake was in assuming that I knew what feelings the other person had actually experienced. Inevitably, by relating what happened to me and how I felt, I sound like I am engaging in brinkmanship so I can feel superior in the depth of my emotions and feelings.
Empathy is about observing and honoring. Listening isn't about how much I can identify with your feelings or story. It's about respecting your feelings and story. It's about honoring your story and feelings.
It's imperative for me to be neutral while you are relating your story in order for me to respect and honor who you are. Because you are not me. I am not you. Neither of us can know the other's experience.
Honoring and respecting each other is the essence of empathy.
What I've learned since then is that there is a huge difference between sympathy and empathy. While listening to someone's story, trying to identify with the other person's pain is a matter of sympathy. I would put myself in their shoes and see what feelings I would have in that situation. Apparently I was good at finding those feelings and emotions.
Or perhaps we look into our own history to find a similar story, or one that produced similar feelings. My mistake was in assuming that I knew what feelings the other person had actually experienced. Inevitably, by relating what happened to me and how I felt, I sound like I am engaging in brinkmanship so I can feel superior in the depth of my emotions and feelings.
Empathy is about observing and honoring. Listening isn't about how much I can identify with your feelings or story. It's about respecting your feelings and story. It's about honoring your story and feelings.
It's imperative for me to be neutral while you are relating your story in order for me to respect and honor who you are. Because you are not me. I am not you. Neither of us can know the other's experience.
Honoring and respecting each other is the essence of empathy.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Venn of the jungle
I don't know about you, but I get a little overwhelmed with all the groups and web pages that I can "belong" to, and I wonder how I can possibly figure out what is most relevant to me. Yes, I can drill down into the niche and find a micro-culture with a focus that is right in line with my thinking.
But I'm more than that. I hope WE're more than that.
The first problem is that we are constantly growing. Either that or you're dieing. And if we're growing, that narrow box is not going to hold us for long.
The second challenge I find is that I am more than that one niche or box, and I have other interests. Yet each focus is stand-alone and myopic.
What if there was a way to incorporate the concept of a venn diagram (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venn_diagram) as a visual and functional way to integrate the different aspects of my life.
I have no idea how this would work. I see a similar process with the adwords that determine the placement of Google and Facebook ads that feed from the trough of profile or search keywords. Yet, those processes actually narrow the field, eliminating the personal interests that are not within the smallest box.
What if the Venn program would give us the mix of people and activities that have similar overlaps to my own?
I suppose this is what Match.com or Harmony.com is doing. That has a common purpose for the participants.
What if it was used in other ways? Can you imagine ways that it could be used? (Yes, I am asking You!)
Well, this could be an amazing piece of social media, if someone were to run with it. Just send me my royalty check every week.
But I'm more than that. I hope WE're more than that.
The first problem is that we are constantly growing. Either that or you're dieing. And if we're growing, that narrow box is not going to hold us for long.
The second challenge I find is that I am more than that one niche or box, and I have other interests. Yet each focus is stand-alone and myopic.
What if there was a way to incorporate the concept of a venn diagram (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venn_diagram) as a visual and functional way to integrate the different aspects of my life.
I have no idea how this would work. I see a similar process with the adwords that determine the placement of Google and Facebook ads that feed from the trough of profile or search keywords. Yet, those processes actually narrow the field, eliminating the personal interests that are not within the smallest box.
What if the Venn program would give us the mix of people and activities that have similar overlaps to my own?
I suppose this is what Match.com or Harmony.com is doing. That has a common purpose for the participants.
What if it was used in other ways? Can you imagine ways that it could be used? (Yes, I am asking You!)
Well, this could be an amazing piece of social media, if someone were to run with it. Just send me my royalty check every week.
Friday, March 26, 2010
I am embracing my practice of Enthusiasm for today from our Spiritual Liberation book study that says "Enthusiasm enables us to choose to go with the flow of life...with full confidence that each circumstance is intended to accelerate our evolution." Really. Even that guy last night who was... Or when so and so said.... Really? So, like, what happens to my victim-story? I just let that go? Really?! (Haha)
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Reasons to join a Reflect&Connect Book Series
As we prepare for the launch of our web site for Reflect & Connect (Reflect-Connect.com), I was thinking about how this whole concept of Small Group Book Series might seem a little foreign to some people.
I could talk about how it happens, what goes on, the structure, the books; but that's not the most important part of it. The best part is what you experience.
You see, reading a book is a wonderful way to gather information. The wisest people in the world have written books that can change our lives. They have encapsulated and explained abstract concepts in order to make them accessible to our minds. They give us examples so that we can relate to them.
In the process of reading these books, we could become transformed. But that's not what usually happens.
For a lot of people, myself included, I can read a book; intellectualize a book; understand a book; even be able to regurgitate it upon demand. Yet, how much it changes my actual behavior is not equal to the plethora information that I retained.
Our ability to benefit from information is proportional to the emotional content and connection that we experience.
An emotionally invested speaker who speaks to an audience with enthusiasm and excitement will benefit her audience, whereas a speaker who talks by rote or from a script will rarely leave any beneficial motivation in the hearts and minds of her audience.
The same is true for you. "Verbalizing crystallizes ideas." When you have the opportunity to speak your truth, your wisdom comes forth and the ideas that were like mere maple seeds before will now germinate and grow and become solid wood that you can build a life upon.
And every time someone in your group speaks their own wisdom, you can shift your own thoughts to a new perspective that expands your own ways of thinking. Each time someone speaks, we break down the walls of our own paradigms. And each expression of wisdom and truth is a new seed for you to build upon.
Being a vibrant part of a small group book series will give you the potential to experience your own enthusiasm and your unlimited wisdom. Priceless.
I could talk about how it happens, what goes on, the structure, the books; but that's not the most important part of it. The best part is what you experience.
You see, reading a book is a wonderful way to gather information. The wisest people in the world have written books that can change our lives. They have encapsulated and explained abstract concepts in order to make them accessible to our minds. They give us examples so that we can relate to them.
In the process of reading these books, we could become transformed. But that's not what usually happens.
For a lot of people, myself included, I can read a book; intellectualize a book; understand a book; even be able to regurgitate it upon demand. Yet, how much it changes my actual behavior is not equal to the plethora information that I retained.
Our ability to benefit from information is proportional to the emotional content and connection that we experience.
An emotionally invested speaker who speaks to an audience with enthusiasm and excitement will benefit her audience, whereas a speaker who talks by rote or from a script will rarely leave any beneficial motivation in the hearts and minds of her audience.
The same is true for you. "Verbalizing crystallizes ideas." When you have the opportunity to speak your truth, your wisdom comes forth and the ideas that were like mere maple seeds before will now germinate and grow and become solid wood that you can build a life upon.
And every time someone in your group speaks their own wisdom, you can shift your own thoughts to a new perspective that expands your own ways of thinking. Each time someone speaks, we break down the walls of our own paradigms. And each expression of wisdom and truth is a new seed for you to build upon.
Being a vibrant part of a small group book series will give you the potential to experience your own enthusiasm and your unlimited wisdom. Priceless.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Personality Is A Tool 2
"We can change our personality, but not our basic self. Personality is a tool, and outlet, a focal point of the self that we use in dealing with the world."
Our Real Self is always within, and so much more than we can even conceive of ourselves to be.
Over time, we have chosen our personality as a way to express ourselves, and way too often, to protect ourselves. Most of us, if not all, have found ways to be safe in what seemed like dangerous situations, and they were effective. We wouldn't have developed those habits if they were not effective in some situation.
But that personality trait is not necessarily useful any more, and it may not express our Real Self. Especially if we have used it to protect our Real Self from a perceived danger.
But what if we can choose right now to use our personality as the expression, the outlet, of our Real Self? What if I look at who I really am, the full potential and talents and powers that are within me, as the incentive and model for developing my personality? What if I am no longer a slave to the habits and attitudes that I learned somewhere else? What if personality is a tool for expressing the best within me?
The personality is merely a tool for expressing my authentic self.
Our Real Self is always within, and so much more than we can even conceive of ourselves to be.
Over time, we have chosen our personality as a way to express ourselves, and way too often, to protect ourselves. Most of us, if not all, have found ways to be safe in what seemed like dangerous situations, and they were effective. We wouldn't have developed those habits if they were not effective in some situation.
But that personality trait is not necessarily useful any more, and it may not express our Real Self. Especially if we have used it to protect our Real Self from a perceived danger.
But what if we can choose right now to use our personality as the expression, the outlet, of our Real Self? What if I look at who I really am, the full potential and talents and powers that are within me, as the incentive and model for developing my personality? What if I am no longer a slave to the habits and attitudes that I learned somewhere else? What if personality is a tool for expressing the best within me?
The personality is merely a tool for expressing my authentic self.
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