Self-judgment

As I go through my day, I have become aware of the times that I am judging myself. When I become aware, I can choose not to, and in that choice I can feel my body soften and release the tension of trying to live up to that internal Judge.

That physical representation is so palpable in that moment of release! That is the difference of unconscious judgment and the release of that need. And in that moment ego also jumps back into the conversation.

Ego says I should always be in self-judgment for my own sake. Ego says that if I don't constantly evaluate and grade myself, I will become lazy and apathetic. In that state of apathy, my life will fall apart, dissolve into rot and ruin! Whoo, what an imagination.

So I can see the benefit of self-judgment, the benefit of motivation. Yet, I know there are other motivations. Ego tells me that those motivations aren't as effective. Ego is so sure about this. I turn to those concepts of motivation anyway and examine them for their worth and truth.

Considering the toll that judgment takes on me, I think it must be a "push" type of motivation. Push motivations are "pushing" against a resistance. What if there were a "pull" type of motivation that enticed me to the behavior that I thought was best for my highest good? What if it was more of a carrot? What if it made me salivate like cheese cake does?

So one sure thing that might have that effect on me is the goals that feed my core values.

My old perception of those goals were as distant objects and remote experiences. They didn't have a life in the present moment; inanimate objects of fantasy, reserved for "when".

If I bring those goals and core values into the present moment as the motivation for what I am working on in the present moment, joy takes over. I am no longer in conflict with my sense of worth, and I am highly motivated to follow through, leap forward, collecting in my mental arms all the elements that will make up the whole of that goal. Each task is grounded in the reality of the goal, that enticing completeness that represents my being, whole and perfect.