Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I am not that

It seems like the past three days have been challenging in a number of ways, most noticeable the way that I have perceived myself or the ways others have seemed to perceive me. Certain situations seemed to go really well, where I felt that others has understood me. Other situations seemed to have put into question all the great things that I have learned about myself.

The challenging situations were ones that questioned my judgment, or my ability to reason in familiar and desirable places. In an interview I felt my ability for discourse to slip through my hands like water, desperately trying to provide the insight that I felt so adept with only hours before.
And in a discussion, it felt like I had become the butt of every joke.

Those were my perceptions. I have no real idea what was happening because I was reacting and reading into the situation much more than was actually happening. But as I sat in meditation just now, as I tried to relax into my true nature, I suddenly saw that I was looking at appearances, and taking them so seriously. I was mistaking my appearances, my own distorted perceptions, for who I really am, the core value of myself as a soul, as a spiritual being. And I was suddenly able to look at all the perceptions of myself, my own perceptions as well as perceptions any one else may have had, I was suddenly clear that I am not that. I realized that I was not those perceptions, I was not those judgments (both self-imposed and perceived of others), I was not any of those situations.

Suddenly I was able to step into The I of the Storm and relax, accept, and move on.

No comments: